Bear with me...

... while I find the right look for my blog. If you come around this afternoon, you're likely to see just about anything.

I liked the color of my old look, but I got sick of the ribbons pretty fast.

Freedom

That's what I'm looking for most in my eating, and that's why I like what I'm doing right now.

I can't live for the rest of my life with a list of rules and forbidden foods. That only takes me from one kind of food obsession (I need chocolate, I need ice cream, what's for dessert?) to another (I wonder what they're serving. Will I be able to eat it, or do I have to bring my own food?).

I need the freedom to relax and to put food in it's place. No forbidden foods for life. Yes, I know french fries are unhealthy, but sometime in my life I might want french fries again. Maybe when I get healthy enough the thought of french fries will turn my stomach. That would be nice. But whatever the food, if I want to have some on the rare occasion, some time in my life, it won't serve me to put in on some oh-so-tempting forbidden foods list.

I really enjoy cereal, and for so many years I've named it a forbidden food. And I went for long stretches of time with no cereal. Many, many months. But I've never cut it out completely, I only felt guilty whenever I ate it. No more food guilt!

While this plan says it's best to avoid grains as much as possible, the daily meal plans all include cereal and other grains. I don't follow the menus, I just skimmed them to get an idea. What's important is serving size. I can eat cereal once in a while, especially a high-fiber cereal to slow down the blood sugar reaction, as long as the serving size is small, and I eat it with protein. I don't need a full bowl. A cup, or even a 1/2 cup might do. Or 1/4 cup sprinkled on yogurt.

I don't need much, and I don't need it every day. Mainly, I'm listening to what my body is hungry for. And I'm still focusing more on the mental side of things than the food side. Someone who truly loves their own body won't want to put junk in it. It should become automatic to feed it healthy nutritious things. Then I'll be all set.

New eating plan

The reason I've been counting calories lately is that I found a new eating plan. Six days a week I eat with the caloric deficit needed to lose weight. Then one day a week I'm allowed to "forget all about your diet and eat whatever you want in whatever quantities you want." That's the phrase used, anyway, but it's qualified by some rules.

For health purposes, the plan says to avoid trans fats and high fructose corn syrup. That pretty much guarantees I'm not going to go overboard. No trans fats means no french fries, or anything deep fried at restaurants. And HFCS is in so many things.

This is called an overfeeding day. The typical person is supposed to go 1,000 calories above what they eat on the other days. However, a woman who only needs about 1,300 calories (me) should only go up to 2,000 calories or the difference is too drastic. And the majority of food that day is supposed to come from carbs.

The overfeeding day is for two reasons. 1. The body will know it's not starving, so it will continue to let go of fat (plus mentally I have a break to look forward to). 2. The overfeeding on carbs boosts the amount of leptin the body produces, which is an important hormone for weight loss.

Frankly, I'm a bit skeptical of the overfeeding day. Overfeeding on carbs goes against the grain. However, I suppose these can be good carbs. It's only my internal programing that brings donuts and cake to mind. But I'm willing to give it a shot because the rest of the plan is so sensible, and the calorie deficit is big enough to make up for one day a week of higher calories.

And it's allowing me freedom in my diet every day. I get the variety I'd been craving (nuts, seeds, fruit and some dairy) while staying on a healthy plan that's allowing my body to release weight.

Sunday was my first overfeeding day. We were celebrating my husband's birthday, so my I ate in a way I'm not planning to eat every Sunday. We went to Applebees and I had the quesadia burger. Yum! With fries--ooh, a forbidden food already. Plus we had coupons for 2 free dessert shooters. We got those coupons when we went there on Valentine's Day.

I took half my food home for later, and didn't eat all the fries. So I stayed within my calories for the day. But I gained two pounds because of the type of food I ate. Even though this was an atypical day, I'm changing my weigh-in days from Tuesday to Friday. Tuesday would only give me one day to eat clean before I have my official weigh-in.

Just so you're up to date, last Tuesday I was at 179.8. Sunday morning I weighed 178.4. That low may have been somewhat a water-fluctuation fluke. Monday morning I was up to 180.6, and now this morning 179 even.

I don't expect fast losses on this plan. Especially in the beginning when I'm tweaking it. But mentally I need a day off once in a while. If I feel like a bit of chocolate, this plan allows for that. I'll have to learn as I go what I can't get away with Sundays. I have a feeling this Sunday will be another not-so-good day. My parents are having us over to celebrate my husband's birthday, and my sister-in-law's birthday which is at the end of the month.

But I'm trying to establish something I can live with for the rest of my life. And birthdays happen.

Calories--I eat more when I count them!

I was going to post on this subject today anyway, then reading Tri-Mom's post yesterday gives me even more reason to.

Okay, so weight loss programs tell me I need to count calories. So I figure out how many calories I need in order to lose weight, based on how active I am. The formula tells me I need around 1650. Then I try to plan my meals so that they contain the right amount. Last week on the days I hit the mark I was aiming for, I was pretty full all day. I ate because it was time to eat, not because I was hungry.

For two days I got busy and didn't log my calories into Fitday until after the fact. I simply ate when I felt hungry and stopped when I felt satisfied. My calories on those days were between 1275 and 1350. That doesn't sound like enough, but I was perfectly satisfied all day, and I exercised hard on those days, too.

Everyone is different. It doesn't make much sense to me to use a formula that tells me how many calories I burn at rest based on nothing but my age and weight. Other factors determine how fast we burn calories. Muscle, how much lean meat we eat.

I don't know. I just don't know enough about it. RMR is supposed to be a good formula.

I bought the line that if we don't count calories we probably consume far more than we realize. If we eat out all the time, maybe. But healthy foods at home? The opposite is true for me.

I'll save the reason I've been counting calories for another post. But counting calories was part of what got me into trouble during my first P3 on HCG. I figured out how many calories I needed to maintain my weight, but I always fell short, and I kept gaining weight. Just about every other day was a steak day.

I thought the reason might be because I wasn't eating enough calories. Evening would come and I'd look at my calorie consumption for the day and I'd say, I better eat. What's high in calories that I can have? Most of the time I'd whip some cream and dollop it onto a little fruit.

During my second P3 I didn't count calories. I ate when I was hungry and I avoided some foods I suspected were causing weight gain during a time when my body was searching for new balance--dairy and fruit. I didn't have to do a single steak day that P3. And I did punch in a couple of days' foods just out of curiosity. I was eating far less calories, and I was maintaining beautifully.

Interval training

I was watching some fitness videos on You Tube, trying to find a demonstration of an exercise, when I came across one talking about interval training. I'd forgotten what regular interval training is, and this was a reminder of how different what I'm doing is.

(I'm not trying to sell anyone on doing PACE, I just want you to understand why I'm so enthusiastic about it.)

Say you're on a treadmill. Interval training, or High Intensity Interval Training, consists of running for 20 seconds, then jogging for 40 seconds, taking it back up to a run for 20, and so on. The times vary, but the principal is the same. Run/jog. There are faster and slower exertions, but it's all exertion.

What I'm doing lets me rest completely between exertion periods. I rest until I feel I've caught my breath. I get off my elliptical machine and walk around--even stand still from time to time because I'm not in that good of shape--telling my mind and body to relax until I feel rested. Then I hop back on and and go. But on my second set I'll either turn up the resistance, go at a faster rpm, or both. The second set is harder, but less time. However many sets I do, the last one is where I'm giving it everything I've got. I run as fast as I can for as long as I can (usually not very long).

I just finished my workout. When I do this again Wednesday, I'll try for a slightly faster rpm for each set than I did today. These workouts are supposed to progress each and every time, even if it's only a tiny bit. Of course on days when I don't feel so hot, I ease back and do what feels right that day.

By resting between exertions, I'm teaching my body to recover, and this carries over into recovering from day to day stress, and some people even say recovering from illness. See why I'm so jazzed about it? The basic principle of exertion and rest can be used for any exercise. This summer I'd love to do 50 yard sprints in my backyard.

Okay, tomorrow I'll be onto a different subject. And I'm still feeling that peace. What a difference it makes to focus on a positive attitude and on saying positive things to myself.

Checking in

Having the right focus has given me renewed energy. I'm much more relaxed. I'm taking care of me, and letting the weight loss happen, if it will, instead of trying to make it happen. Emotions are volatile things, and I'm sure I'll have my bad days again. But right now I feel at peace. It's wonderful, and I'm going to make the most of it.

Book was somewhat disappointing

Yesterday when I was waiting to get to the part where the book would teach me to identify my self-sabotaging beliefs, I had already read as much as the author was going to say. After saying over and over that we've been programed from childhood to believe certain things about ourselves, and that this programming isn't our fault, and that most of these beliefs are unconscious beliefs that we're not even aware of, the sum of identifying those self-sabotaging beliefs was this:

Write down the beliefs you have about yourself that you'd like to change.

Huh? That's it? No deep insights into how to identify the hidden ones? I was looking for the meat of this book, and all I got was a soy burger.

I'm still grateful this fell into my lap. It got me thinking about the area I need to focus on the most, my mind/spirit. And there were some useful tips in the book. He says to make a success journal to record what I eat, my exercise, and weight loss along the way. I already do that, but in addition, he says to make a negativity journal. All the negative things I tell myself every day. Once the negative dialogue of a whole day is there in black and white, it will be a stark wake-up call. And he says it will be easier as time goes on to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks once I'm conscious of them.

But basically, it was one long commercial for Global Health and Fitness. And I was wrong about them having free resources. They have free bonuses for signing up as a member. In addition, he's a weight loss coach, and out of 12 chapters, he devoted one whole chapter to the reasons we all need a weight loss coach for better success. He had a page of helpful resource links, and every one of them was a link to Global Health and Fitness, which you have to be a member to access.

I think a lot of what he says in the book is available in the free articles on his website. But I can't complain. The book was free. It only cost me some time that I think was well-invested anyway. He says we don't have to identify and stop every self-sabotaging belief we have, we simply have to turn the balance of our internal dialogue to the positive.

I should have read the whole book first, instead of opening my mouth to you about it right away. I should have simply told you that I had a real wake-up call to once again look at weight loss holistically, not just the nutrition and exercise parts of it.


Now on to me.

I've been weighing myself daily again for the past three days, and I'm thrilled that my weight has gone down a bit each day. I was afraid my losses would come to a screeching halt once I introduced other foods.

But I'm keeping track of my calories on Fitday. I hate counting calories, but it's important to do that at least for a while so I can get familiar with how much I actually eat, and how much I should be eating. I love the fact that it also keeps track of the balance of macro nutrients--protein, fat, and carbs.

I punched in a two typical days from my meat and veggies only phase. I was scary low on carbs. The day I ate some canned peas I had 20 grams of carbs, or 4% of my diet. Low, but not scary. A more typical day would be a stalk of celery or 1/2 a cucumber with a meal. That's 4 grams of carbs or 1% of my diet. I didn't do that on purpose, I'm just not a big fan of veggies, and I didn't realize how low I was. Had I been recording on Fitday then, I'd have corrected it in a hurry.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that my change in diet so far hasn't hurt my losses. Yeah!

Two days on a new exercise routine, and I FEEL it!

I had done my PACE routine for 4 weeks, so it was time to switch it up to keep challenging my body. Plus, I found a more challenging resistance training routine, and I incorporated my 100 push-up challenge into it.

Oh, by the way, for the initial test on Saturday, I could only do 4 push-ups. We were at the same level, Tri Mom. So yesterday I did day 1 at level 1. I thought my pecs would be more sore than they are. What's really sore are my thighs and butt, and my abs. But I'm not so sore that it's uncomfortable to move. I can just feel that I worked hard yesterday.

It feels good! Stiff muscles and all. I love resistance training. I've loved it from the moment I first tried it in high school. Unfortunately, I've never been consistent, or I'd have a killer bod by now.

I also read another 4 chapters of my freebie book. He's starting to get into the meat of things. I'm writing down goals, motivations, and affirmations. All those things are adding positives to my thinking. I have 4 chapters left to read today, and I hope he gets specific about how to get rid of the self-sabotaging beliefs. I'll let you know.

He very briefly covered some tips about nutrition and exercise. He didn't go into detail, which is fine by me. I've got those bases covered. I disagree with two things he said, though. He listed soy as a healthy lean protein source. Now, this book was written in 2005. I can only hope he's read the latest research on soy and has changed his mind. If you didn't know it, soy is far from healthy.

The second thing I disagreed with was in the area of exercise. He said with weight training, we should focus on isolating muscles. Wrong. The best approach for real, usable strength is compound movements, multi-joint movements. Push-ups, pull-ups (I'd love to be able to do pull-ups someday), squats, deadlifts are the types of things we should be doing, as opposed to bicep curls and leg extensions. If our goal is to burn calories and get lean, we want to work as many muscles as we can in one movement. And whole body movements force us to work our core to stabilize.

The author is kind of pushing the Global Health and Fitness website, which he's a member of. I haven't looked into it much, but I think you have to join and pay a monthly fee. However, I also think they have some free resources.

I'll check back in tomorrow.

Ready to get going again

Motivation completely back. In fact, I'd call it a burning desire to lose weight.

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible, but I've got a lot to say.

I haven't posted in a couple of days again because I've been busy setting up a new plan. Both eating and exercising are taking a new direction. With eating, I've been enjoying a bit more variety with fruit, seeds, and nuts. And even some dairy. I know I said I was committed to staying away from dairy for a couple more months. But I was craving it, and I can't stay away from any food group for 3 months. It's too long.

One little side note here. From the comments I've been getting, I think some of you missed the post where I said that I gained back every bit of weight I lost--both the HCG weight, and the weight I'd lost on my own before HCG--plus six pounds. That's why I took down all the stats that were in my side bar. Too confusing, and that's not where I am anymore.

I started this new journey Jan 5th at 188 pounds. As of two weeks ago, I was 177.6. On my weekend off, I packed on 5 pounds. Ouch! I'm still up a couple of pounds, at 179.8 this morning. However, my fat calipers say that I lost a little more fat and gained 2.5 pounds of lean from that 177.6 number. I'm happy with that. The fat percentage is the number that counts.

Anyway, now that I've made sure you realize I gained all that weight back, and I quit exercise for many months over the summer and fall, this next part will have more meaning.

Don't you love when things fall into your lap? When just the right information comes to you at just the right time?

I ordered some Miracle Noodles last week, and was pleasantly surprised that a pdf book came free with any order. (Still does, as of today.) The book is called "Ultimate Fitness Secrets Revealed." I downloaded it because it was free, but I was thinking that I probably already know all this.

However, the main focus is on the mind/spirit side of weight loss. That's an area I've sadly neglected. The author takes a mind-first approach. He says if we don't get rid of our self-sabotaging beliefs, we'll never see permanent results. In fact, out of 12 chapters, one is on nutrition, and one is on exercise.

I haven't gotten into the meat of the book yet. I've read the first 4 chapters, and so far he's emphasizing how important it is to get our thinking straight. He hasn't gotten to the hows yet. But I'm excited to get there.

I know I have self-sabotaging beliefs. Twice in my life I've gotten down pretty close to my ideal weight, only to stall, then give up. Countless times I've begun a lifestyle change and quit a month or two into it. I keep telling myself I know what to do, I just need to do it. What must I believe about myself to let myself eat the way I did this summer and fall?

I was sexually abused as a child. Research on the subject has given me the understanding that this has left me feeling undeserving of anything good. The unconscious message is, my family didn't protect me from this, and therefore I must not be worth protecting.

I came to understand this about myself about 10 years ago. But I haven't been able to reprogram my thinking. With this book, I hope to discover the keys to do that. And the book was free with something I was already ordering. Some of you will say the universe handed me a gift. With my beliefs, I credit God. But yes, if the author of this book delivers what he promises, this was a gift.

Much more positive

I didn't post yesterday only because I was too busy to take the time. I'm in a much better frame of mind.

When fatigue hits, everything feels impossible--even the smallest thing. So looking at the big picture of weight loss is discouraging when I'm that low. My TOM is gone now, and so are the cravings, for the most part.

And one thing sparked my motivation. The 100 pushups challenge that Tri Mom found gave me a new goal to aim for. And it's a goal unlike any I've ever had. Sure, I've had weight loss goals, and a general goal of "getting fit." But never a specific goal like this.

I'd love to be able to do 100 pushups. I don't have much upper body strength. I haven't taken the initial test yet--I've been feeling too weak--but I can probably only do a few from-the-toe pushups. But I'll do that this weekend, then start the challenge Tuesday.

Anyway, having a new goal was all it took to get my motivation started up. Plus, I realize my diet was too strict for the long term. I didn't really mean it to be for the long term, I intended to start nuts and fruit sooner, but I was doing so well. Now I'm starting a more balanced approach to eating. Even if it slows my losses down, it should be something I can do for life.

I'm like a house of cards. Pull one out...

...and the whole thing crumbles.

I've had a rough week. And I didn't purposely stay away because of that, but when I'm not feeling well, my whole routine goes out the window. I lose myself in movies or computer games because I don't have the energy to do anything real.

My TOM is always hard on me. This time was really bad. Energy down to zero. Even gentle exercise was too much, so I took some time off that. And the cravings were so bad I decided to take the weekend off from my diet. So now I'm having a hard time getting back to the way I was eating.

Motivation isn't an easy thing to find when cravings have a strangle hold on my brain. I still think the weekend off was a good choice. I was perfectly content as long as I was satisfied with the food I was eating, but when cravings come on this strong, there's really no good choice. If I don't eat something "forbidden" I start feeling deprived, and after a while I snap and really go crazy. Even if they were just TOM cravings, it didn't help to tell myself they'd pass.

A planned break is hard to come back from, but it's the better option. I just wish everything didn't fall to pieces at once. I stopped taking my drops--forgetful and lazy, I guess. I wasn't doing my sauna because of my TOM--it can prolong things, and I don't need that.

On top of everything, I've developed a slight aversion to meat. And I need my protein, so I've got to get creative. The weekend packed some pounds on--water, I'm sure, because I'm sensitive to everything.

Bottom line, I'm having a tough time. Got any encouraging words for me?

It's the spice of life, right?

I'm starting to crave a little bit of variety in my diet.

Not my usual cravings for bread and sugar. I just want a little bit of fruit and some nuts and seeds. Cheese has started sounding really good, but I'm committed to staying off of dairy for a couple more months. I know dairy was causing me problems.

Funny, I had cravings for chocolate on Valentine's Day. Psychological? Or was it something they put in the steak that triggered some cravings? I hate eating unknowns when I'm trying to eat clean, but I really needed a night out. Anyway, the chocolate cravings went away.

I did test eggs yesterday, and I don't think I have a problem with them. When I thought I had a problem, it may have actually been something I was eating with the eggs. I also had some blueberries last night. They tasted so good after more than a month without fruit. The only reason I've avoided fruit was to keep my blood sugar stable, and to help with candida. Blueberries are supposed to by a low glycemic fruit.

I'm ready to start slowly adding a few things back in. I probably shouldn't have had fruit the same day I was testing eggs. From now on, just one thing at a time. Also, I'm going to weigh myself every day to see if any foods trigger a gain. I'm sick of being in the dark, anyway. I want to see what's going on with my weight from day to day. Yesterday's new taste adventures didn't hurt my weight at all this morning.

New Blog Title

HCG Experiment is now Finding the Thin Me.

(Three posts in one day. This is a record.)

Weigh in

I lost another 1.4 pounds this week! That brings me to 177.6. Still losing over a pound a week. This is great. Not as much for inch loss. That kind of goes in spurts for me. But I did lose 1/4 inch on each of 4 measurements. My streak of 1/2 inch loss per week on my waist is probably over. But 1/4 isn't bad.

My husband took me out for supper on Valentine's Day. I had steak and vegetables. The marinade for the steak was horribly salty, but I made sure to drink a lot of water yesterday. I don't seem to be any worse off for a night out.

I didn't blog yesterday because I got sick. I had the hardest time motivating myself to exercise. I don't know why. I kept procrastinating, and since I eat breakfast after I exercise, this pushed my breakfast back too late. I saw that if I took my first MMS dose after I ate, like usual, my whole schedule would be off, and I'd miss my last dose because I'd be in bed already.

So I did what you're not supposed to do--I took it on an empty stomach. And I paid for it. Nausea and diarrhea (sorry, TMI) for several hours. I was sick over lunchtime and didn't get hungry until supper. Lesson learned. Always eat before taking MMS. I hadn't gotten sick at all until yesterday.

Follow up

PACE is all laid out in a book. Dr. Sear's website gives teasers of what it's about. He has a newsletter, and has written other books, so the site isn't all about PACE, so it can be hard to find information, though some links are there. Here are a couple of articles. One on weight loss, and one comparing/contrasting it to marathons. I bought his first PACE book, which was an e-book for about $30. Now he has a new version available only in hardcover, and it sells for around $40, I think.

I could give you details, but I have too much respect for copyrights to lay it out publicly. I dabble in writing myself, and I'd hate for anyone to violate my copyright.

However, my email is in my profile. Email me if you're interested, and I could give you some basics on getting started. Just like I'd tell any friend by word of mouth what I've learned about PACE.

Exercise

I've probably shared a little about my exercise program in the past. I do P.A.C.E., which is a program Dr. Sears developed. It's a modified version of interval training. High intensity interval training is something only the very fit can do. With PACE, you can start in any condition. Even walking then resting is a good start.

I'm talking about this again because so many people say, I used to exercise for an hour or more and didn't lose a bit of fat. You know me (or you're getting to know me) I can't know a healthful tidbit and not share it.

Long duration exercise burns fat. Sounds good, right? Nope.

You don't want your body to burn fat during the exercise, only afterward. When you burn fat during the exercise, you're training your body that fat is a fuel you need. Your body responds by storing more fat to be available for your next workout. So, sure, that hour on the treadmill is burning fat, but you're working against yourself.

PACE works by keeping the total exertion under 20 minutes. After 20 minutes is when the body turns to fat for fuel because it's used up its quick reserves. So I might jog for 3 minutes, then rest, jog slightly faster for 2 minutes, then rest. The total time it takes me is 25-30 minutes. But my actual exertion is only 12 minutes.

It gets my heart pounding, it gets me panting, which leads to a stronger heart and lungs. And after I'm done, it burns fat all day long. It has to in order to replace the energy stores I used during exercise. The theory is that once your body realizes it doesn't need the fat for immediate fuel, it will stop storing it.

My proof so far? I lost 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks--100% fat. (Of course my food choices have quite a bit to do with that, too.)

I've known about PACE for over a year now. Trouble is, I've always had problems sticking to exercise long term. So I haven't seen the long-term results of this program for myself. This time will be different.

My messed up allergic system

Here you go, Tri Mom.

I skipped that part of my story. Trying to boil down 8 months into a few posts didn't work out so well.

This spring when I found out I'm allergic to mold, I had something called a live blood test done. This looks at blood through a dark field microscope while the blood is still alive and active. It gives a better indication of what's actually happening in the blood.

I went with two friends, one of whom is also allergic to mold. We didn't know that there's different training for this test, and the man we went to didn't know anything about mold, and didn't know what to look for in the blood, so not much help in that area, but...

He was chatting away during the tests of my two friends. When he was looking at my blood, he got very, very quiet. I'm thinking, great, I've got cancer and he's not allowed to tell me. Seriously, they could come in and take everything away from him, and even send him to jail if he tried to diagnose a disease.

Finally, what he did tell me was that my liver was very clogged. He said that was undoubtedly causing absorption issues for me--not getting the proper nutrition out of my food or vitamins. And also that my lymph nodes were congested. He was very concerned about both these issues. He strongly suggested I do a liver flush, and take steps to get my lymph nodes flowing.

I looked up a liver flush. Doesn't sound fun at all. And they all recommended doing a kidney flush first. More all-kinds-of-not-fun. Then they said for a kidney flush to be affective, I should have my metal fillings removed first. I have 8. I can't afford to have 8 composite fillings done at once, plus your dentist has to know what he's doing so he doesn't make the mercury contamination worse by removing them.

Bottom line, I felt stuck, and scared. I have so many excuses for why I ate like crazy this summer and gained all this weight, but my fear contributed.

Then my nurse friend told me about the MMS drops which clear up mold, candida, allergies, heavy metals, and finally cleanses the lymph nodes and liver. Sounds too good to be true, I know. It's supposed to do everything I needed. My own research convinced me. Even though I've gotten sick on these drops--the die-off making me sick, not the drops--it's much gentler than those very violent sounding liver and kidney flushes.

Again, I'm not trying to sell anyone on these drops, but if you're desperate to get rid of candida or other issues, check them out here. Look under the basic MMS information on the left hand side of the page. And if you take things slowly enough, you don't have to get sick on the drops. I'm not getting sick this time around, and I'm up to 30 drops a day.

High goals

I set my weight loss goals high this time. My goal is losing 2 pounds a week. Realistically, I know I can't reach that every week. Anything over a pound a week is above my average weight loss, going on my own.

However, I want to make sure I'm doing everything I can every day to lose this weight. If my goal was 1 pound, I know I can reach that without extra effort. (Note the emphasis on extra--it takes effort for me to lose any weight.) So if I miss a day of exercise, big deal. I know I'll probably still lose my 1 pound for the week, or make up for it the next week and keep my average.

Two pounds a week is nearly impossible for me. So by aiming for it, I'm not missing a day of exercise. I'm sticking with my eating plan perfectly. I'm getting in that infrared sauna every day to sweat out the toxins to help my body release fat.

The cost is a little bit of disappointment when I get on the scale and the loss is smaller than 2 pounds. The benefit is determination to do everything in my power to improve that number the next week. And that far outweighs the cost.

Plus, I know better than to get tripped up by a number on the scale. I put more stock in what the tape measure tells me each week.


On another note... I think I'm going to rename this blog. It started because of HCG, but I'm not doing that right now, and I may never be able to do another round. My messed-up, allergic, clogged up liver and lymph node, system didn't allow HCG to work right for me. I have hopes to be healed enough by the last 20 pounds or so to be able to do one last round, but I'm not counting on it.

So anyway, I should call this blog something other than HCG Experiment, since that has no part in my life right now. Not even maintenance. But what to call it? Any ideas? I'm horrible at titles.

Weigh in

I see I've picked up more followers. On one hand, yeah! More accountability. Welcome, everyone. On the other hand, crap, now I have to try to be interesting.

I lost 1.6 pounds this week. That brings me to 179. I've got such a long way to go that I need to appreciate the steps along the way. So today I'm grateful to be out of the 180s! I've lost 9 pounds in 5 weeks without the aid of HCG!

And I lost 2 and 1/4 inches over 7 measurements. There wasn't one site that didn't lose at least 1/4 of an inch. And I lost another 1/2 on my waist, where I most need to lose.

Stats, don't you just love 'em? I do. Here's some more.

My BMI has gone from 29.4 to 28. Isn't 30 and over obese? How close I came! However, I just learned--or was reminded--that waist measurement determines obesity better than BMI. And according to my waist, I'm obese. That's why I want to lose inches in that area so badly. My waist is currently 39 inches. I started out at 41, so there's improvement, but here's the guidelines I found for waist circumference.

Women:
Ideal = 28-33
Overweight = 33-37
Obese = over 37

I don't think I have any male readers, but add 3 inches to everything and you've got the male guidelines.

Okay, that's enough numbers for today. I'm so grateful for the progress I've made so far. And my motivation is still high.

All's well

I don't have much to say. Just checking in.

Everything is still going good. I don't have as much energy as I had that first week. The initial burst I got from new exercise and eating right has faded. I still have the energy to function, but I have to do things in moderation.

I trust that over time, this will improve. This is a journey, after all. One that's slower than I'd like, but that's the way it is. I normally lose a pound a week through clean eating and exercise. I'll try to be patient and accept that.

Stomach

Clarity's blog about her flat stomach got me wondering if I'll ever have one. She had a tummy tuck to assist with hers. (It was a tuck, wasn't it? I caught up with months of your blog mostly in one day.) Completely justified with the apron she had from a c-section and other factors.

I didn't have a flat stomach even at my lowest weight, when my BMI was below 21. I don't think a tummy tuck will ever be justified for me. I don't have an apron, just a rounded belly. It maybe looked slightly deflated after the rapid loss of HCG, but I could see that the skin would have tightened if I'd stayed at that weight. Besides, my finances would never allow for that type of surgery.

The confident part of me says yes, I will have a flat stomach. It didn't happen before because I lost so quickly, and I didn't lose all the fat I needed to. I intend to work hard at exercise. I won't take it for granted any time soon. Not after hardly being able to move for so many months. I'm running on the elliptical 3 days a week and doing resistance training 3 days a week.

At my current level of determination, if hard work can get me there, I'll get there.

Misplaced Sympathy: A light-hearted rant

My eating is still good. My mom sent some banana bread home with me, for my husband. It's not even tempting to me.

But why is it when I start a strict diet--when I find out I'm sensitive to almost every food on the planet--everyone feels sorry for my husband? "Oh, poor man. If you can't have carbs, what's he going to do?"

Hmmm let's see. What does he do?

1. He eats cereal with a banana for breakfast.
2. He has a sandwich for lunch. (I've offered to cook for him at lunch, since I'm cooking for myself and he comes home for lunch. He doesn't want it. He wants a sandwich.)
3. When I cook a roast in the crockpot, I put in potatoes for him.

He's not being deprived of carbs. As far as getting sugar out of the house? Under normal circumstances, I miss it far more than he does. He eats it if it's there, but doesn't miss it when it's gone.

Now, this is nothing against my husband. He's very supportive of the way I'm eating now. He's baffled by the sympathy he gets from both his family and mine. At least this time when my mom sent the goodies along with us, I have no desire for them.

My parents and I get along great. This summer with them was wonderful in most ways. Sitting down to every meal with my parents, spending as much time as I wanted with them, and helping out when I was needed, was great. I miss that. They live only 5 miles away, but I don't get there very much in the winter. Holidays and birthdays.

Anyway, just saying that my mom means well when she sends goodies with us. I think they all worry about my husband because he's skinny. Really rail thin. We make an odd couple right now. So they're all afraid I'll make him eat like I eat and he'll get even skinnier. I hardly think that's possible. No matter what he eats, or how much, he stays the same.

Okay, that was all over the place. My point is this: Is it too much to ask for a little sympathy for ME? The girl who can't eat anything but meat and veggies for who knows how long? :o)

(And who hasn't felt this good in 8 months, but we don't need to tell them that. Let's just stick with the sympathy.)

Progress is progress

I lost 1.4 pounds this week. I lost half an inch from my waist and 1/4 inch from my hips. The rest of my measurements stayed the same. That's not bad for doing it all with diet and exercise. I was hoping for another 2 pound loss like I've had the last three weeks, but this is close.

I have a long way to go, but progress is progress.

Not much to say

No daily weigh-ins means I'm left with not much to say. Tomorrow is the day I weigh myself. I'm dying of curiosity. My eating and exercise has been so good.

Oh, my old friend the detox rash is back. Came back Thursday, I think it was. It only comes when my eating is clean. I'm trying to look at it as a positive sign, but egads it itches! Detoxifying with the MMS drops alone didn't give me this rash--the toxins are dumped out quickly through the liver and stomach. Clean eating (and probably fat loss) releases them more slowly. Through the skin, apparently.

I'm hoping now that I'm back on the drops, this rash will go away. It's not widespread yet, and I'd like it to stay that way. Then leave.

These drops are supposed to get rid of mold, candida, parasites, viruses--whatever doesn't belong in a healthy bloodstream. It violently attacks and kills them. And I know there's at least a lot of mold and candida in me to kill. Thus my body's strong reactions. I just took a dose and I'm feeling sort of lightheaded.

I can't wait to see what the scale says tomorrow. But even if the number isn't what I hope, I want to focus on my improving health.

Goodbye hunger and cravings

I've been abnormally hungry for years. Eat a meal, hungry half an hour later. Or worse, the hunger doesn't go away at all after a meal. I've been living with constant hunger for so long. The HCG diet only intensified what was already there.

No longer.

For one thing, I'm getting enough protein, especially in the morning. I also eat my bigger meal for lunch and have a lighter supper. That helps with the hunger because I'm more active earlier in the day. Plus, I'm finally supporting my thyroid. I ate breakfast over two hours ago, and I'm still not hungry. I get hungry just before it's time to eat another meal. Or sometimes hungry for an afternoon snack. I've only had one or two times of feeling that abnormal hunger in the last week, almost two weeks, since sprinkling the kelp over my food.

And thank you, helderheid, for telling me about the iodine supplement. I'll look into that. I guess I'm not just blogging to myself after all.

And cravings? Still haven't had a one. I'm not healed yet, but I'm heading that way.

Feeling better every day

I can't get over feeling good again. It's been such a long time.

I'm on the road to weight loss once more, but I'm not doing HCG. I probably won't again. There is still a chance, if I get my thyroid functioning normally, I would do a round to take off some of the weight quickly. But even the possibility is a long way down the road. My body has too many issues.

This blog is called HCG experiment. Bottom line, HCG works, and works well. It just wasn't right for me at that time. So now I'm on my own. Should I change the name of my blog? Leave a note here directing anyone who might happen along to a new blog? Or just keep going?

For now, I'll use this blog as a journal. I doubt if anyone is reading, but it helps to get things down in writing. To have accountability, even if it's imagined.

I'm not going to weigh in every day. Just once a week. It helped immensely in the past to weigh every day. But I'm not in that place right now. Right now, yes, I want to lose weight, but it's about health first. I know I'm doing everything possible to lose weight. My diet couldn't be better, and my exercise is no longer slow and easy. With the type of exercise I'm doing, I improved very quickly. So weighing once a week is enough. I don't want to get distracted and discouraged by the daily ups and downs.

The mold is still my biggest problem. And where is my elliptical machine? Up in the attic with the worst of the mold. I'm taking a supplement that kills mold, and everything else in the body that doesn't belong. It's called MMS. A nurse I know who leans heavily toward natural remedies recommended it to me. My first attempt at cleansing this way was in November.

The stuff itself is harmless and has no side effects. Killing and releasing those toxins are another story. If the liver can't process all the toxins that are dumped into it, it asks the stomach for help. Which means throwing up or diarrhea. These can be avoided by starting with a low dose and slowly building up. Slight nausea is a warning that the dose is a little high, and you should cut back for the next dose. But sometimes it just sneaks up.

I quit after I had a particularly bad bout of running to the bathroom. I shouldn't have quit, but I have so much junk in me that the die-off makes me very ill. I should have cut back and stuck in there, but I was tired of being sick on top of already feeling so lousy. Plus I couldn't get my eating under control, so I was also adding toxins back in.

Now I'm trying it again. More slowly. It's only been a few days. I take the stuff 5 times a day. That way I can take small frequent doses that keep the bugs in me from regrouping. I'll keep building up my dose until I reach a certain level. I'll stay at that level for a week, then I'm done, other than one dose twice a week to keep the bugs at bay.

So now I'm all caught up with the present. I'm so optimistic and happy. I don't care that I'm fat again, as long as I can do something about it.

A new beginning

Oh, the shame in having been so thin, and gaining the weight back so quickly. I got lots of compliments on my weight loss, so I know everyone who knows me noticed. Once all the weight came back, I didn't want to go anywhere or be seen by anyone. Fatigue kept me home for the most part, but I did make it to church almost every Sunday. I did my best to be invisible. I wanted to explain to everyone that my system was messed up because of my thyroid and mold issues. That's why the gains were so rapid. Sure, I overdid it a time or two, but I wasn't binging. Still, 20 of those pounds came on in a single month.

The shame added to my depression. As did the feeling that I'd never be able to do anything about this weight. If you've never experienced debilitating fatigue, I can't describe it. Except to say it felt like having the flu all the time, without the throwing up. Even some family members didn't believe things were as bad as I said. "Oh, everyone is tired. Everyone feels the way you do." Well then. I guess I must just be lazy. That's why it took me three days to clean my bathroom.

I felt worse and worse, and of course the candida went wild in my system. Plus, I was always ravenous because of my thyroid. Finally I decided to do something about this, no matter how hard it was.

I was scared to start exercise, because I normally paid for any extra activity with several days to a week of being virtually an invalid. But on the other hand, I knew that good, heart-pounding exercise gives energy. So I went ahead, starting slowly.

As far as food goes, I cut back to the things I could eat before: meat, eggs, vegetables, and some fruit and dairy. (Ah, the good old days.)

When I eat just anything, my body sort of hunkers down and takes it. I feel miserable in general, but I don't notice specific foods giving me trouble. When I start eating clean, the problem foods create definite symptoms. I can't have any dairy or eggs--intestinal distress, we'll call it. And fruit makes me beyond jittery. So for now, I'm on meat and veggies.

Thyroid was the most recent piece of the puzzle, though I suspected it before. I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't want to be on drugs for the rest of my life, like my mom. I didn't even want to go to the doctor to pay for a blood panel because I don't have insurance, and I know some thyroid tests are unreliable anyway. But I found a wonderful article that linked to a thyroid quiz (I scored 68% positive for low thyroid), and listed natural ways to support the thyroid. Avoid wheat, detoxify with an infrared sauna, and start adding iodine to my diet. I switched to sea salt years ago. No iodine added.

When I started eating good and exercising a few weeks ago, my energy started coming back. But just a week ago I bought some kelp and sprinkled that over my food at every meal. BINGO!! My body heaved a big old sigh of relief. It couldn't have told me any clearer "this is what I've been craving!" Just a few posts down I said how every meal left me wanting something I wasn't getting. Iodine! Friend to thyroids everywhere.

I'm down to very little variety in my diet, but I'm not craving a thing. I can do this, hopefully, for the 2-3 months it will take to clear the food allergies from my system. I'm also getting help with detoxing from a supplement I'm taking, but more on that tomorrow.

No more shame. I'm holding my head up high and smiling--real smiles, not fake. I feel so optimistic again. My body is getting what it needs. I feel GOOD. Now, the fatigue didn't go away overnight, of course. I'm still feeling fatigued, but it's a fatigue I can function within.

Just a side note, prescription medication has it's place. If I don't resolve my thyroid issues by what I'm doing, I will go to the doctor, and I will get a prescription if I have to. Probably the natural option, Armour.

How I spent my summer vacation...

...and my fall, and most of this winter.

Before I get to the bad, I want to tell you that I'm feeling much better now. I'm mentally geared up to take off all the weight I've gained. I'm in a positive frame of mind right now, so remember that while you read about my downfall. That word is too melodramatic, but I don't know how else to say it.

This spring I found out I have a mold allergy, and my house is full of mold. It was making me very sick, fatigued and allergic to everything else. You see, the mold allergy is affecting my thyroid big time. Plus I have a family history of low thyroid function. Low thyroid in turn causes other allergies. That's why I had a reaction to every new food I introduced.

Mold is a serious problem, and we had to act. We started with the bathroom in the middle of June, after our vacation out East. Can't live in a house without a bathroom (we only have the one), so we moved in with my parents. My husband worked on the remodel after work and on Saturdays, then came to my parent's house just in time to go to sleep every night. He took Sundays off, so we did have one day a week to spend together.

Meanwhile, I had a new list of foods to avoid so as not to make the mold living inside my body grow and multiply. Very strict. Lasted 8 days. My mom is an excellent baker. It was my dad's birthday cake that did me in. My whole family--each and every one of them, bless their hearts--kept saying they couldn't believe I was passing up the delicious chocolate cake my mom served after lunch. I held out against that until after supper. I said it's just one piece of cake, it won't hurt too much.

But it was the beginning of the end. My cravings roared to life and only got worse. I kept eating the sweets my mom baked. I told myself I'd be home in a week or two, and I could undo the damage. But one thing after another prolonged this remodel, and I was living at my parents' for 10 weeks.

I was in denial. Sort of detached from reality. I was counting on hot weather to be able to swim every day for exercise. The average temperature was around 56 the whole summer. Yes, there were a few hot days where I could swim, but for the most part, I didn't exercise at all. I could have gone for walks, or chosen another form of exercise. Denial, remember? I missed my husband and I was depressed. I knew I was gaining weight and felt helpless to stop it. I turn to food when I'm depressed.

I had already gained some of my HCG weight back, as I posted this spring. My vacation to the East coast put a few more pounds on me. I weighed 150 mid-June. By the end of this 10 weeks away from home, I weighed 174. That's a BMI of 27.2. Unhealthy. As if that's not bad enough, the story isn't done.

I moved back home, to my moldy house--the bathroom is only the start of it--in the habit of eating anything I wanted. I had okay energy at my parents, but I wasn't using it. The combination of being back in the moldy environment and eating the wrong foods sapped my energy. It only took two weeks for me to become completely non-functional. Seriously, most days showering was too much for me. I kept up with my laundry for the most part, but that was the only housework I could do.

During those first two weeks back home, fortunately, my house got a scrubbing from top to bottom. Construction dust, and my husband living like a bachelor for 10 weeks wasn't kind to my house. That was the beginning of September. It was the second week of December before I cleaned my house again.

It takes energy to eat right. If I'm going to have something better than toast or a sandwich for lunch, I have to cook. I couldn't. Once in a while I could cook supper--throwing something in a crock pot in the morning when my energy is highest saved me. The rest of the time my husband cooked or we had a frozen or fast food option.

Then came Christmas. Nuff said. Christmas extended through January 6th, when family from out of state left. I was up to 188. The highest I've been in my life was 182. I got serious. I can't do much about the mold--my husband will do more remodeling and cleanup this spring and summer--but I can do something about the way I eat.

I mustered the will power. I made much use of the crock pot. In three weeks I've lost 6 pounds. My energy is coming back. I'm down to my former highest weight of 182. I'm feeling surprisingly good about that. I'll have a few more details tomorrow. This post is too long already.

I'm getting back to me again, and it feels wonderful.