Holding tight

P3, Day 6
last dose weight: 132.8
current weight: 134.6 (1.8 above)
overnight change: 0

I managed to hold my own. I'd have preferred a loss, but I'll take staying the same. I had half an avocado with lunch yesterday. It was filling and satisfying--not to mention calorie dense. I'll get the hang of this yet.

I'm going to be very careful with what I eat today. I plan to make my meals and snacks only meat, vegetables, fruit and coconut oil. I don't want to gain an ounce overnight. I've been looking forward to Thanksgiving Day for so long, I wouldn't do a steak day even if I should. So I'll do my best today to make sure I don't need one.

Snack ideas?

P3, Day 5
last dose weight: 132.8
current weight: 134.6 (1.8 above)
overnight change: +.8

Whew, that was close. But today is finally the first day of my TOM. I know from past experience that this morning is the peak of my water retention, and I'll pee a whole lot today. So I'm not overly worried about being .4 from another steak day.

I didn't have any nuts yesterday, but I had a lot of cream. Mostly because I'm having trouble getting enough calories in. Yesterday I was still under 1800, and I should be between 1900 and 2100. It's not that I'm lacking an appetite--I'm quite hungry--it's that I don't know what to eat for snacks. I'm the type who needs to eat more frequently.

I'm avoiding nuts for now, and nuts or nut butters are usually what I have for snacks. An apple with peanut butter or almond butter in the afternoon, a handful of almonds in the evening. My imagination is lacking in this area. What can I snack on? Any ideas for me? For now, it's dairy. What if dairy really is a problem for me, too?

Not much wiggle room

P3, Day 4
last dose weight: 132.8
current weight: 133.8 (1.0 above)
overnight change: -1.4

I only have a 1 pound leeway today. And I can't seem to keep my word to myself. For breakfast I had 2 oopsie roll french toast. Topped with a dollop of whipped cream. All it is is eggs, cream cheese and whipped cream. It feels like cheating because I wasn't going to have dairy today.

The deprivation of P2 was harder on me than I thought. I got through it without cheating, but now I can't even stay away from dairy for a day to see what that does. It's like mentally I said, I can get through these 40-some days, but after that, I'd better be able to eat!

I do need to be sure to get plenty of calories today. I keep falling short.

I'm telling myself that each body is going to adapt in it's own way to this sort of thing. Thanks, Beb, for understanding that this feels like failure. And for reassuring me that it's not. I consider my P2 a success, so to have such rapid weight gain in P3 is devastating. But the steak day is the fail-safe device. I just hope my body adjusts and I won't have to do too many of them.

Steak day

P3, Day 3
last dose weight: 132.8
current weight: 135.2 (2.4 above)
overnight change: +1.6

A 4-pound gain in 3 days. I hope it's my TOM, because if my body is this sensitive to different food, I'm in for a rocky phase 3. I said no nuts or dairy yesterday. I didn't have nuts, but had a snack of cottage cheese. I had nothing else to snack on. I don't even know why I included dairy in my ban. I guess in the past staying away from cheese has helped me lose weight.

My "steak" is going to be roast beef. I have no steak in the house and it's too expensive from the grocery store--not to mention laden with hormones and antibiotics. We ordered a quarter of beef from a local farmer, but he hasn't butchered yet.

I'm praying this steak day works. After that, I might have a couple of days of P2-like eating. Sticking to the allowed foods, but plenty of calories, and including fat. I just need to get past this TOM and see how the normal me reacts to P3.

Now I'm scared of P3!

P3, Day 2
last dose weight: 132.8
current weight: 133.6 (+0.8)
overnight change: +1.2

Two days in a row of gaining more than a pound. If I gain the same tomorrow, I'll be right at 2 pounds above LDW. I'm eating very clean today--no dairy, no nuts--to see if that will help. I probably shouldn't have had either of those things in the first two days anyway. All I had yesterday in the way of nuts was a little bit of almond meal to coat my baked chicken.

I should have skipped it, since I suspected peanuts caused the first gain. But it was all prepared and ready to bake. I had no other meat thawed for supper.

But also, I've got PMS, so my TOM should be coming in a day or two. I was expecting it already, but I think HCG has thrown my cycle off a little. That could be what's causing the gain. *Sigh* I thought I was done analyzing a weight gain now that I'm done with P2.

About those pictures...

I took some after pictures that didn't turn out. I took them myself in front of the mirror, which is how I did my befores. They were either shaky (holding camera with one hand) or at a wrong angle. Then my batteries went dead, so I gave up. Now that I've gained and my TOM is pending, I'll wait a while before trying again.

But from what I could see in those pictures, I'm sorry to say I was disappointed with my results. I couldn't see much difference. I guess I'll let you be the judge when I post some in a week or so.

Calorie counting...ugh!

P3, Day 1
last dose weight: 132.8
current weight: 132.4 (-0.4)
overnight change: +1.2

I expected a gain, but not that much. Maybe I went a little overboard and reintroduced too many new foods at once. I know I didn't go over my calories.

That's right. Calories.

I was determined NOT to COUNT CALORIES. But I came to the reluctant conclusion that I have no idea how much I used to eat in a normal day. It was probably too little. While I don't buy into a simple "calorie in, calorie out" philosophy--it's more about the type of foods you eat and the way you exercise--the naturopathic doctors who run the Enlita weight loss program say that anything less than 2100 calories a day for the average woman is a starvation diet. The World Health Organization says that less than 2100 calories a day is starvation.

But since I hate counting calories, I didn't bother finding out what that much healthy food looks or feels like.

I also don't believe in one rule set in stone for everyone. Caloric needs could be greater or less for some people. So I found my BMR--Basal Metabolic Rate--here. That tells you how many calories a day you'd need if all you did is stay in bed all day. Then you can click the link for Daily Caloric Needs and adjust it to your activity level.

For light activity I need roughly 1900 calories a day to maintain my weight. For moderate activity, about 2100. (Bing, bing, bing. We have a winner.) I'll be starting out light until I get more energy back, then I'll be moving to my normal moderate to active (2300).

I'm so relieved the thing didn't tell me I need 1500 per day. I wouldn't have trusted that. I know it would set me up for failure long-term. It's part of the reason I had trouble losing weight. Too little food. And I'm only talking me personally. You may be different.

Coming off very low calories, there will probably be an adjustment time. I punched my food into a calorie calculator last night and came up with 1600. Close enough when my only activity was grocery shopping and cooking.

But searching for foods in the calculator reminded me why I hate counting calories. I made green bean casserole with supper. Lots of ingredients. And just how big of a serving did I have? So I had to use a very rough estimation. I'll only stick with counting the calories until I get the hang of estimating for myself.

And let it be soon!

I just had breakfast!

After the 48th (and last!) VLCD
overnight: -0.6
total: -23.8
weight: 131.2

I'm curious to see what will happen with my weight tomorrow after a day of eating full calories. With so little HCG in my system, I wonder if the last 2 day's weight loss has been all the right kind. In any case, with my body adjusting, I won't be surprised to see a gain tomorrow. I'm 1.6 below my last dose weight, anyway.

Final low calorie day

After VLCD 47
overnight: -0.6
total: -23.2
weight: 131.8

(I'll change the format above for phase 3 so that the emphasis is more on maintenance than loss. But I'll have just one more low calorie day result to post.)

I'm surprised at that loss. I suppose I shouldn't be, because I'm still under 500 calories a day. I'm one pound under my last dose weight. I'm definitely more hungry and weak this morning. That's the disadvantage to doing SL. A full three days of low calories without a dose of HCG. 72 hours after my last dose would be 8:30 tonight. Why eat that late?

Measurements

After VLCD 46
overnight: -0.2
total: -22.6
weight: 132.4

I took my measurements this morning. So the weight you see below is my current weight, not my last dose weight.

Area	Starting	Current	Lost
neck	13	12	1"
upper arm	11	10	1"
bust	41	38.5	2.5"
upper abs	33.25	29.25	4"
waist	35.75	31.25	4.5"
lower abs	41	37.5	3.5"
hips	40.25	37.25	3"
thigh	22.5	21	1.5"
calf	14	13	1"
TOTAL			22"
weight	155	132.4	22.6
body fat	32%	25%	7%

I'm so happy with those numbers. The body fat % especially came off so fast in the last 2 weeks.

I'll post my before and after pictures soon.

No more HCG

After VLCD 45
overnight: -0.2
total: -22.4
weight: 132.6

I was so happy after I took my last subligual dose last night. I got a little euphoric (the only euphoric feeling I ever experienced on HCG). It was one step closer to phase 3. Some HCGers are nervous about P3. I can understand how switching from something so strictly regimented to a phase with a lot more freedom could be a little scary.

But that's not how I feel at all. Phase 3 is where I want to be. Let me at it!

Want to hear something kind of pathetic? I have my suppers planned out for every single one of the 21 days. I've gathered so many new recipes, and have some old favorites I can't wait to get back to, that I filled the 3 weeks with no problem. Didn't even have to repeat a meal--not counting leftovers.

Breakfasts are simple. Usually a raw egg shake with coconut milk and cinnimon, or I'll cook eggs and sausage. Lunches I haven't planned, and maybe I should. In the past I've tended to not eat enough food at lunch, which makes me hungrier later. So I'll either have to save some of my supper leftovers for lunch the next day, or actually cook lunch for myself. Hey, I've been doing it all along on these low calorie days.

Last Dose Weight

After VLCD 44
overnight: -0.4
total: -22.2
weight: 132.8

It feels so good to finally say last dose weight. It'll be hard to switch my mentality to maintenance, not losing. But it feels nice. I didn't make my goal for the round, but I came so close I don't care.

Progress

After VLCD 43
overnight: -0.4
total: -21.8
weight: 133.2

I don't have much to say. Tomorrow will be my last dose weight. I'm hoping to see 132 point anything. I can't believe I'm this close to being done.

That's more like it!

After VLCD 42
overnight: -0.8
total: -21.4
weight: 133.6

I think I was a bit backed up, so when that resolved this morning, I was a little lighter. Okay, that's why I post anonymously--so that I can share TMI stuff like that. :o)

I'm having an anniversary of sorts today. I started this entire weight loss journey one year ago today. My starting weight was 182, and my goal back then was 132. Fifty pounds sounded like a nice even number. I've reassessed that goal a couple of times since then, but 132 still sounds pretty good. I haven't made it, but look how close I am, thanks to a turbo boost from HCG these last 42 days.

I'm so close to being done. My last dose is Sunday, which means I only have 2 more days to hope for big losses. After that, I'm supposed to hope for stability.

Inches, not pounds

After VLCD 41
overnight: -0.2
total: -20.6
weight: 134.4

I checked my waist measurement this morning just to be sure something is still happening. And my waist is smaller than it was 2 days ago. Still, as much as I tell myself it's the inches that matter, not the number on the scale, my weight this morning makes me say grrrrr. I guess it's human nature. I want my weight at a certain number.

But I committed no dietary errors, or errors of any kind yesterday. Drank enough water. That's all I can do.

Bummer!

After VLCD 40
overnight: +0.4
total: -20.4
weight: 134.6

I tried something new and it obviously wasn't the right thing to do. I was craving flavor and moisture, so I sauteed my celery in a little bit of coconut oil yesterday. Some people have used it and lost more weight from it. Others have gained. I took the chance that it would be good for me. Besides, I looked at the raw celery and just couldn't do it.

I've eaten my vegetables raw all along. I made three exceptions: Cabbage soup--gained a pound, onion soup, stayed the same, and now cooked celery, gained .4. Although I'll blame the oil rather than the celery.

Back to the basics. With only four days left to dose after today, every day needs to count.

Exercise

After VLCD 39
overnight: -0.6
total: -20.8
weight: 134.2

That's a nice loss. I consider that a bonus these days.

Beb's blog post yesterday reminded me that I miss exercise. Believe me, I never thought I'd say that. But in the past year, I've come to enjoy it. I just had to find a type that's fun for me. All I can do now is a gentle 20 minutes on my elliptical 2-3 days a week.

My old routine was 5-6 days of high intensity interval training--still only 20 minutes, but that's all you need--and 3 days a week of resistance training. So that's one more thing I'm looking forward to in phase 3--giving my heart, lungs, and muscles a good workout. After I've given my body time to adjust, that is. I don't think it would be wise to jump right in.

The final week

After VLCD 38
overnight: -0.4
total: -20.2
weight: 134.8

Experimenting with extra protein didn't help. It did nothing for my hunger or my weight loss. So now I'm back to 200 grams of meat per day.

Seven more days of HCG, including today. Plus 3 more very low calorie days. It's a good thing I'm almost done. I'm tired of the food. It started with the veggies. Just the look of spinach and celery turns my stomach. Now I'm also sick of the meat. The fruit is the only thing I look forward to.

My days have been balancing out. A day of bad hunger followed by a good day of getting hungry around mealtimes. Ten more days total. I'm hanging in. Still so worth it. Over 20 pounds lost in 38 days.

I'm melting, melting!

After VLCD 37
overnight: -0.4
total: -19.8
weight: 135.2

I can't believe it's been 37 days. It doesn't seem that long, looking back. But then again, it seems like it's my whole life. Know what I mean?

The inches are coming off. I posted on HCG Dieters yesterday that even though the scale only said a loss of .2, I measured my two biggest problem areas and each one was 1/4 inch smaller than just the day before. That's enough inspiration to keep me going.

That and my husband. He's good for my ego. He keeps telling me how tiny I've gotten and asking where the rest of me went. And his comments are made in such a tone of disbelief that I know they're sincere.

Almond flour

After VLCD 36
overnight: -0.2
total: -19.4
weight: 135.6

I'm starting to gear up for phase 3. No sugar, no starch. I'm gathering recipes and ordering things like xylitol and konjac flour (for thickening).

One of the things I enjoyed several years ago was almond flour. Combined with a little bit of thyme and basil, it makes an excellent coating for baked chicken. But I quit buying it when the prices of almonds soared. However, after an extensive web search, I found a low price.



Or here's a direct link to the almond flour. I bought a five pound bag to get a discount. I can't wait to start experimenting with recipes.

Addendum

I'll never understand how this protocol affects me. Yesterday I was so hungry and weak I wanted to quit. In the afternoon I did some dishes that had built up for several days--the dishes that won't go in the dishwasher. I was completely wiped after that. I just laid in the couch.

Today, I was barely hungry. I had to remind myself to each lunch and supper. I ate both meals over an hour late because I didn't think about food. As long as I have days like today for balance, I can hold on until Nov. 20--my first day of phase 3.

:o)

After VLCD 35
overnight: -0.4
total: -19.2
weight: 135.8

I made it to the next milestone!

I was only going to take my measurements once a week. But I needed inspiration to keep going. Despite getting below 136, yesterday was a hard enough day that I struggled with, is this worth it? What the tape measure said will keep me going. I don't have long left.

Close

After VLCD 34
overnight: -0.6
total: -18.8
weight: 136.2

I'm getting closer to setting that low weight!

Protein

After VLCD 33
overnight: -0.2
total: -18.2
weight: 136.8

Not a great loss, but a loss.

I think I'm going to up my protein a bit. Not because of a slow loss, but because my hunger appears to be back to stay. I have a feeling I should just quit now and give my body a break, then come back for round 2 in January.

But I'm so close to an all-time low in my weight, and I'm close to the end of my HCG. Eleven or twelve days. I'm not quite sure if I'll run out the 15th or 16th, since I ran short last time. Therefore, I'd prefer to try increasing my protein to see if that helps, rather than stop now. I want to squeeze out as much loss as I can in this round.

What is ideal?

After VLCD 32
overnight: -0.4
total: -18
weight: 137

This post will be long. I need to work through some thoughts. I took my measurements this morning. I lost more inches this week than last week, so I'm happy about that. I'll post my measurements after I'm done with HCG. Along with before and after pictures.

On HCG Dieters, I see posts once in a while that say something like, "My goal was 125, but I weigh 140 right now. I've lost so much fat that if I lost any more, I'd look emaciated. So I'm stopping."

It's the opposite with me. I'm starting to think my ideal weight is 125 or a little less because of the amount of fat I have left. I found a website that claims to calculate the most accurate ideal weight. I have a small frame and it says 121.5 is ideal. The medium frame is 135. So I consider that a range. Between 122 and 134 is where I'd fit.

Yesterday I contrasted the difference between ages 17 and 34. I have no idea what my measurements were then, but I did save one pair of jeans from my high school days--they don't fit yet.

However, I do have measurements from my weight loss in 2001. There's even a significant difference between 28 and 34 (almost 35). Everything but my hips measures more now than it did then at the same weight. (Stupid over-30 metabolism!)

Now, I'm not finished, and good fat loss can still happen in the 12 days I have left. But I have to ask myself if my HCG is working the way it's meant to. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with what I've achieved. It just isn't quite meeting my expectations.

I keep thinking about the actresses mentioned in Pounds and Inches who initially wanted to get below their healthy weight limits. But they were so thrilled with the fat loss that they were happy at a healthy weight. Now these were movie actresses, and even in the 50s and 60s, Hollywood ideals were high when it came to thin.

So for once I thought I wouldn't have to settle for, "Well, I guess this is all the weight I can lose. I still have a poochy belly and something akin to a fat roll in back below my bra, but I guess it'll have to be good enough." I don't want good enough. I want my ideal body fat.

According to my Accumeasure fat calipers, I started out at 32.1% and I'm currently at about 28.2%. Not a bad loss in such a short time. But to be healthy, I should be at 22% or below. I'd like to get to 19%.

Maybe my expectations for a single round were too high. The HCG could be working exactly as it's meant to, but I have more fat than I can lose in one 45-day round. I'd hate to have to do another round. Of course my next round could be quite a bit shorter.

And there's also the reshaping that continues in phase 3. I guess I'll decide then if I want to do another round. If I have the opportunity to lose all my abnormal fat, why would I pass that up? If need be, I'd wait until after the new year for Round 2.

Moving on down

After VLCD 31
overnight: -0.8
total: -17.6
weight: 137.4

I'm so happy. I didn't think I'd see a .8 loss again. I was accepting of my .4 losses. Because even though I can't guarantee even that much of a loss each and every day, if that trend did continue, I'd end up at 132.6. Sounds pretty good to me. (Yes, whenever I see a pattern forming, I have to project ahead and see where that would take me. I don't think there's a cure for this sickness.)

My next milestone will be getting below 136. That's the least I've weighed as an adult. I started putting on a little extra weight when I was 14 or 15. Not much, just enough to never quite be thin. As a junior in high school, I weighed 140. Of course the consequence of being 34 versus 17 is that I'm fatter now even though I weigh less.

I put on more weight in my 20s, especially after I got married. Then I lost weight in 2001 and reached a low of 136. But like I said before, I never lost the excess tummy and back fat.

So here's to getting below 136, and becoming more trim than I was in high school. :o)

30 days down

After VLCD 30
overnight: -0.4
total: -16.8
weight: 138.2

I have about two weeks of HCG left. My hunger is still more than I'd like. I hope that changes soon with my lower dose. But I'm done playing around with the dose. Whatever happens, I'll just power through the next two weeks, plus three days of low calories without HCG.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't blog. My experience hasn't exactly been the typical, "Wow, I feel great on HCG." I've probably had a hard time because I was so toxic. I had no idea that I was.

I'm tired. I've been sleeping close to 11 hours most nights. I don't have energy to do much but the basics--feed myself and do laundry. Plus I do gentle exercise a few days a week. I'm getting far behind on my dishes and cleaning. My detox rash has flared up again. And instead of feeling as if I've just eaten a large meal, I'm hungry most of the time.

But the thing is, whatever I'm facing, it's worth it. I'm getting rid of this fat so quickly. Even at my current level of .4 per day, that's twice as much lost as my best week with dieting alone. Parts of me are looking "normal weight," even though I still have lot of fat in the tummy area. Fortunately, my clothes hide it for the most part. People are noticing I've lost a lot of weight.

And this loss will be permanent, as long as I don't start eating junk food on a regular basis or something dumb like that. So it hasn't been easy, but it'll be over before I know it.

Dosing mystery solved

After VLCD 29
overnight: -0.4
total: -16.4
weight: 138.6

A couple of people answered my question about why I was short on HCG. I misunderstood the answer at first, but then I thought about it for a full 5 seconds after I answered the post. The little part on the syringe that the needle is supposed to attach to holds a few extra drops. So when I thought I was measuring exactly .5 ml, I was getting a few drops more each time. Also, perfectionist that I am, I pulled the plunger back a little extra to compensate for the air bubble that always gets in there.

I was right about one thing. With 28 doses, I was getting 178.6 IU each dose. Now I'll make sure the plunger stops at .5 and not beyond. Plus I added a little more liquid, so my dose will be closer to 150 IU. With my hunger coming back, I needed to do some adjusting anyway.