Still here

I haven't checked in for quite a while. I just don't have much to say.

I was doing really well. Then came Easter. I brought my own sugar-free dessert, but my sister made peanut butter bars that I couldn't resist. And I sampled the Easter candy. How do you turn down an adorable 4-year-old, blonde haired, blue-eyed niece handing you a robin's egg?

So that threw me off track again for a little while. Food like that robs me of my energy. I felt so terrible, physically. But now I'm eating right again. My weight has been up down, up down. Heading down again now, and I need to keep it that way.

I go on vacation the first week of June. I'd like to be slimmer than I am now for that trip. We'll be heading to the East coast, and probably the beach. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is.

Small update

I'm still doing good. The cravings are gone for now. I'm eating healthy. I'm still having fruit, but I need to remind myself that with my blood sugar instability, I don't have to have fruit every day. I'm skipping it today.

I'm making progress with my exercise and gaining muscle. I feel pretty good.

I'm doing okay

The steak day was a good success. But I gained some back the following day. That's the way it's been--up and down. I was starting to get desperate with all the things it seems I can't eat. Then my husband gave me a bit of his wisdom.

He said just because a food makes me gain weight the next day doesn't mean I'm sensitive to it. It means my body hasn't had it in a long time, and it has to adjust. He told me to ride things out. See if a certain food makes me gain weight every day for a whole week. That makes sense.

Plus, I'm really focusing on exercise. I'm doing some more challenging routines to build muscle. Fat-burning muscle! Because unless I do something to rev up my metabolism, I'm afraid I'll never be able to eat anything but meat and green vegetables for the rest of my life.

So, my weight isn't looking real great right now, but my attitude is so much better. I know that some of the weight I've gained is lean mass. And every muscle in my body is sore! I'll try to remember to check in more often, but I don't think I'm going to report a daily weight for a while.

A go-ahead on the steak day

I need this steak day for many reasons. I've been eating when I'm not hungry. I can't leave the foods alone that I shouldn't eat.

I think the cravings are so bad because my body needs more than I'm currently giving it. Even though I'm taking an excellent multivitamin, I believe I'm still lacking something. I need more vegetables, probably. And I'll keep the fresh fruit in my diet once this steak day is over. Berries mostly because they're the lowest in sugar.

Okay, some of the cravings are old-fashioned "I want junk food" cravings. Nothing profound about those. I'm still an emotional eater when things aren't going well. I need to work on that. I have to turn this around. Those dreams I was having about a flat stomach? Last night I had a dream with a poochy tummy and I was trying to hide in my swimsuit. Mental shift. Not good.

That changes now.

So-so results

Yesterday I lost .4. But I had a not-so-good day, so I didn't make any more progress this morning. This weight is going to take longer to come off than I thought. That's kind of discouraging, and doesn't make my willpower any stronger.

I might do a regular old steak day tomorrow. When this weight came on, I wasn't in any shape to attempt a steak day, but I'm feeling better every day. It won't do as much good as it would have done the first day, but it should do something. Besides, if I go through with it, it will remind me that it's not the end of the world to go without food for most of a day. It might end or lessen my cravings. I hope so, because once they start, they're monsters.

Feeling better

So far so good today. I've been satisfied with just meat, eggs and vegetables. I think this flu is on its way out. I'm not 100%, but better.

Still frustrating. It seems like whenever I'm doing really well with eating and exercise, I get sick. When I get sick, I don't care as much about my goals. Although, with as strict as my diet is, if I don't splurge with something "forbidden" once in a while, I might go crazy. And if I go crazy, I might chuck the diet altogether. I've worked too hard for that.

I didn't mean to disappear

I've been sick. Again.

This time it was a fever with cold-like symptoms--the true flu. If only I'd had the stomach flu with throwing up, no appetite... all that wonderful stuff. I'd have lost weight then.

But noooo. I was a bottomless pit. So very, very hungry. So I gained. Meat--my staple--wasn't all that appetizing. I had some, but not my normal amounts. I craved peanuts and fruit. My willpower is great when I'm well and energized. When I'm sick... almost nonexistent. It makes me feel worse that I already discovered I'm sensitive to peanuts, and that's what I ran to.

I've been sick since Saturday. I basically had a four-day binge. And I was too weak to exercise. And my stomach didn't want much water. Okay, it could have been worse. I could have binged on ice cream and Doritos. My binge was peanuts, raisins and prunes. With some fresh fruit thrown in. I don't feel bad about the fresh fruit.

Scary number time. 138.6. Yes, it could have been worse. And most of this has to be water since I gained it so fast. But from my post-HCG low, I'm carrying an extra five pounds.

I'm still sick, but I was able to exercise today. I feel more able to resist the peanuts, but I can't promise what today will bring. All I can say is, I've had enough and I'm ready to lose these five pounds.

Help me be strong. I need some encouraging words.